I Am God
by Seliphra
Summary: Izaya thinks he's god, but it's because of a bad habit he formed as a teen. Taking lethal doses of dangerous poisons. It's bound to catch up to him... Angst? Character Death.


**Okay, so I felt like writing something angsty at four am... and here it is.  
><strong>

**Warnings: Character Death, OOCness, High!Izaya, angst and... yeah a whole ton a shit...**

**Disclaimer: We all know I don't own DRRR. Song is 'Swan Dive Suicide' By Hail The Villain. Lyrics are in _italics_.**

* * *

><p><em>Perfect body rotting, outside still is hiding<br>There's a killer burning, creeping through my veins_

Powerful. That's what Izaya felt like right now. Nothing could harm him. He was God after all, and nothing would kill god. The first time he did this the feeling had been different. Entirely different. He had been Dizzy and scared, he had lost consciousness. It nearly killed him, but it didn't. At first he didn't understand why it didn't kill him. Atropine in those levels should have done the job.

_Make me feel distorted, left me here a coward  
>For running, I'm running, I'm running, run<em>

"Heh~! Heh-heh~!" Izaya grinned and spun in his chair happily, before getting up and pacing around the room. His heart was already racing, his pupils dilated and his vision was a bit blurry. Perfect. Belladonna worked every time and he was addicted. The distorted escape from Reality was necessary though, something he could no longer live without, and he didn't want to.

_Bow down for me, bow down for me  
>Feel like I was meant to die but somehow stayed alive<em>

"I should be dead," That was the first thing Izaya had said after the first time. He should have died that night when he was sixteen, the first time he had taken this. He had wanted to die the first time he had taken this but he had lived. He lived because he was immortal and now he didn't fear a damn thing.

_Time that I encounter, call in my surrender  
>I fear that I won't ever cover up these wounds<em>

Izaya frowned a little, glaring out his window at the blurry world below him, wincing a little at the brightness of the artificial lights. Every light in his own apartment was turned off now, the light hurt when he took Atropine. He rubbed his arm subconsciously, the scars on them for once visible. That had been before this. He had been a fool to try cutting because it had nothing on this high he rode now.

_Leave the world a sinner, see my soul grow thinner  
>And thinner, and smaller, the longer I'm alone<em>

Even with this powerful feeling though he was still all alone in it.  
>"Fuck this…" He grumbled pulling his jacket on, covering his bare arms before heading in to the streets. He hated this loneliness; it lingered, lingered and refused to die no matter what he tried. Even his precious nightshade didn't help.<p>

_Bow down for me, bow down for me  
>Feel like I was meant to die but somehow stayed alive<em>

Humans helped. They should be worshipping him like the God he was, but they didn't notice him. He giggled again, delighting in the mild dizzy-sensation he had.

_Bow down for me, bow down for me  
>Feel like I was meant to die but somehow stayed alive<em>

He was alive after all, and that made him God. What else could he be when he had survived a lethal dose of Atropine. Not once, but time and again now.

_The fear is so alone  
>The fear is so lonely<br>The fear is so lonely  
>The fear is so lonely<em>

Of course his use was up too. If anyone knew he was willingly eating poisonous plants to get high they would scold him, no doubt. But it was better like this. Like this he wasn't afraid. Like this he wasn't alone.

_Bow down for me, bow down for me  
>Feel like I was meant to die but somehow stayed alive<em>

"Hee~! Hee-hee~!" He giggled at something, but even he wasn't sure what when he heard an all too familiar voice.  
>"IZAAAYAAAA-KUUUUUUN!" Shizuo Heiwajima had found him. Oh good, this made him feel even better. Half the fights he'd had with Shizuo he had done high. Even on a lethal dose of Belladonna he could escape the blonde with perfect ease and that only proved further he was God.<p>

_Bow down for me, bow down for me  
>Feel like I was meant to die but somehow stayed alive<em>

"Shizu-chan~!" Izaya twirled neatly around a vending machine, euphoric in the dizziness and the near loss of balance.  
>"Woopsie~!" He giggled and dodged another sign but he scowled a little at the nausea he felt now.<p>

_The fear is so alone_

"Hey, what's that?" Izaya blinked, the vision vanishing as soon as it had appeared. Shizuo was clueless as to what he referred to, a sign in hand, and a smirk on his face.  
>"That's a sign that you should hold the fuck still so I can kill you!"<br>"Mmn, you can't kill god Shizu-chan~" Izaya grinned waving his hand at Shizuo dismissively, though he paid no attention to the man now either, instead watching the visions that flitted before his eyes, invisible to all save him.

_The fear is so lonely_

"What the hell are you doing flea?"  
>"Watching~! Can't you see? The fairies~!"<br>"Are you high?" Had Izaya been in his right mind he may have discerned true worry in the statement and tone of Shizuo's voice. As it was he couldn't tell what his name was. One thumb came up to this lips and he chewed lightly with a giggle as he watched the things go passed his eyes, becoming more real by the second.

_The fear is so lonely_

"What the hell did you take?" Shizuo asked, dropping the sign he held and trying to wrestle Izaya's hands from his mouth. He was chewing away at his fingers, blood beginning to drip.  
>"Hmmn?" Izaya gazed languidly up at Shizuo who was able to tell immediately something was wrong. Izaya's eyes were unfocused and his pupils so dilated that it was little wonder his eyes were sensitive to light now.<p>

_The fear is so lonely_

"Atropine," Izaya replied happily, "five hundred milligrams of it~! Isn't that amazing Shizu-chan~! You don't die when I hit you with a truck, and I don't die when I eat belladonna~!"  
>"What? Bella-what?"<br>"Hee~! Silly Shizu-chan," One of Izaya's now bloodied hands petted Shizuo on the head before he tried to chew more. Shizuo would have hit him if he weren't so concerned by this unnatural behaviour.

_Bow down for me, bow down for me_

"Belladonna, Deadly Nightshade Shizu-chan~! 453 mg to kill but it doesn't kill me~!" Izaya giggled before his breath picked up a little. His heart was racing, pounding in his ears and making his already blurred vision pulse.

_I hope it never finds me_

"Flea?"  
>"Hmmn…." Izaya frowned, his eyes drooped and he slumped forwards into Shizuo who panicked a little at that. Izaya could hear Shizuo now, but his eyes wouldn't open and real fear took hold in his heart once more as it race powerfully, rapidly.<p>

_I pray it doesn't get me_

"Hello" Izaya stared at the new being before him.  
>"Who are you?"<br>"I've been sent to collect you Izaya. You should have known it wouldn't last forever. I am Death."

* * *

><p>Sooo... yeah, if you couldn't guess, Izaya died at the end. He was taking Belladonna, also called <strong>Devil's Berries<strong>, **Death Cherries** or **Deadly Nightshade**. The symptoms of belladonna poisoning include dilated pupils, sensitivity to light, blurred vision, tachycardia, loss of balance, staggering, headache, rash, flushing, dry mouth and throat, slurred speech, urinary retention, constipation, confusion, hallucinations, delirium, and convulsions. Izaya didn't get all of them, but he had some of them. Approximately 453 milligrams is considered fatal to an adult human and that is around... 10 berries.

**But yeah, leave a review plox and let me know whatcha think!**


End file.
